the end of the midwest...

I fear I might be forget someone while I try to recollect my past year of hook ups and frustrations. No worries I'm making a list and checking it twice, figuring out all those naughty details ;) But some of these stories may be out of order because of my shotty memory (maybe I should cut back on the wine...). Here are the last two from my tales of the midwest before I travelled back to the east coast...

Name: Married Dog Park
Our story: As I mentioned before Class 5 and I had decided that we were adults and should own a dog (stupid stupid stupid). I regularly liked to bring this beloved pup to the dog park, and of course you meet lots of people there because your dogs will either be tormenting each other or humping each other. Mine was the one always being humped. Anyway, that's besides the point. One cool fall day I met Married Dog Park. Again, didn't know he was married. He wasn't wearing a ring and mentioned nothing of the sort. We exchanged numbers and began texting. Texting turned into meeting at bars to hooking up (obviously). After our 3rd or 4th hook, he lays it on me. He's married. At this point I'm like OKAY not going through this again. So I stop the hooking and the texting and the meeting up. He's a smart one so he picked up on that and we stopped being in contact.
What happened later....:I moved back to the east coast and lived with my parents for a bit. One random day while driving back from RI, I get a text from guess who??? I answer. We catch up a bit. I tell him I'm happy and in a relationship (that story is coming soon). He says keep in touch. I figure I won't hear from him again. WRONG. Deadly wrong. He becomes threatening. Saying he'll come to CT, send the dirty pics I've sent him to my parents etc. if I don't start talking to him again. After awhile I just block his number and email. But Verizon only lets you block up to 90 days. I guess a couple days ago that 90 days was up because I received a text from him saying hi, then another saying "I've been thinking about you lately HeLovesMeNot." Ignore. Creepy fool.

EDIT: I did forget 4 before I moved...

Name:Virgin Army Dude
Our story: Decided to try to online dating thing right before I decided to move. I met Virgin Army dude. He's okay, kinda odd, but then again so am I so who am I to judge? We hook and of course right after he breaks the news to me...He was a Virgin and I just swiped that card. Ew. I hate being that girl because then they can become so clingy and guess what? He does become clingy, I try to explain to him I don't have the time that he wants me to put into to whatever he wants (aka relationship). I get sick and tired of his harassing so I just stop answering. About 2 weeks later I get a 5 page email stating that he doesn't appreciate my silence and that if I want we can just be fuck buddies because I seemed like I was having a good time. At this point I am so pissed and have decided to move I just tell him like it is. I faked it. The end :)

Name:Drummer Boy
Our story: My friend and I go to a GirlTalk concert and in my drunk haze I decide that the bartender is cute and leave him my number on the receipt. I never do this mind you. He texts me the next day. We meet up for drinks and hook up. I tell him I'm moving and he's sad. Once in awhile he will fb chat me. Poor sad broke musician.

Name:WI guy
Our story:Another online dating adventure. This time he lives in a totally different state! We talk all the time and randomly he decides to fly me out there one weekend, which just so happens to be a weekend where he's running a clinical for his waterskiing team. He says he'll get us a nice room, drinks and we can hang out and have fun all weekend. Great! So I hop on a plane and proceed to have 3 drinks, arrive at 9am, already drunk. Some how he doesn't realize that my breath smells like vodka, I'm chatty and stumbling around the airport. He thinks I'm just funny. We hop in the car and head out to the hotel we're staying at with his team and proceed to keep drinking. I pretty much drink for 12 hours straight. I confess this fact and instead of being appalled at my behavior he announces that I fit right in to their group! Yay! It ends up being a really fun weekend. Minus the part where I blacked out during the pizza dinner that was at an arcade and make a fool of myself by getting lost in lazer tag and riding a mechanical horse for 5 year olds. Oh and I also pressed the emergency button on the elevator. Did you know that's a $1000 fine? If you're caught. Good thing I'm sneaky sneaky. And the most important part...he's a REALLY good bang. Like top of the list.
Where we are now:I actually went out to visit him in September for another weekend. It was okay, not as good as the first. He ended up being sick. We didn't bang as much as we had talked about (or at least as much as I planned...maybe 3 times in a weekend is a lot for him?). Once in awhile we will drunk text but I doubt I'll be flying out there again anytime soon :( Which is a shame because if he wasn't so far away I would date him.

Name:The Married Brit
Our story: Oh dear, as you can tell by his name this was not a good idea and it's also what led to this years NYE resolution, "I will not hook up with guys that aren't single." I'm our with my PIC (partner in crime) one night, and as per usual on a way to a black out. We are chatting it up with these ghetto dude and I am not feeling them. My eyes are wandering all around the bar when they happen to land on a group of gentlemen in TIES. Yes, ties. I LOVE ties. They make any guy sexy. So I just randomly walk away from the ghetto dudes and start chatting it up with the fine classy gentlemen when I hear my weakness....a British accent. One thing leads to another, my PIC comes over finds her own sexy tie man and we all head out to another bar. Some time in the night I think he told me he was married but in my BO phase I did not care and decided he should come home with me. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???
What happened after? He gave me his number. We texted. But really? He was married. I ran into him once at a bar and we chatted. He wanted to come home with me but seeing as it was after the new year I politely rejected him and haven't heard from him since I left the Midwest.


Okay, now it's really the end of the midwest.