"And then the clouds opened up and God said 'I hate you Alfalfa' "

We've been together for a little over a month. I'm smitten though still scared as is my nature. I pick fights, he laughs and says that he'll see me after work. I cry, he does something amazing for me. I go crazy, he holds me until I'm calm. Too good to be true. Because then it's all taken away.

Last night he drove me to CVS to get nyquil so that I can sleep/breath at night. He forgot to turn the lights on for the car. A cop is behind us. And he is whisked away, because of charges I do not know about and it is all still complicated. I miss him so much it hurts. He doesn't know that I didn't leave the court house area for 12 hours. He doesn't know I haven't stopped crying in over 24 hours. He doesn't know that I'm wearing his shirt because it smells like him. He doesn't know I'm sleeping on the couch because my bed is too empty. He doesn't know I'm beside myself and I don't know what to do, I can't eat, I sleep very little. He doesn't know that I've fallen completely in love for him. I miss him. It hurt so much when I saw him in the court room. He didn't see me. I wish he did so that he knows I'm trying my hardest and I care. I'm glad he didn't because I lost it completely when I saw him. I can't be strong for him. I don't know how to. I called everyone I can. I pounded pavement all day. There is nothing I can do. I am alone. His parents are in Indiana. His friends are worthless. My roommate says I've done all I can, which is beyond what someone in a 1 month relationship would do. But I want a hug from the one person that can't give me one. I would give anything to just have him back. Homeless, jobless. I want him. I need him. I will not leave him out on the street. I don't care how sketchy it seems, how little time it's been. I wish I could not care. Say that one month is not worth it. But even if he was just a friend I would be doing the same thing. I love him. I miss him. Please, God, Please.

I have been bad at updating this because we've been spending so much time together. Now he is gone and I don't think I can update for awhile. I need him back. I need the next time I write to be good news. I need him to be looking over my shoulder, smiling about all the good things I tell you. I'll let you know when that happens. Until then, keep pulling those petals trying to get your way.