So it's been a little over a year since parting ways from Class 5 Clinger. And there have been many in between now and then...
Name: The Obsessive Trainer
Our Story: I started working out at my gym almost obsessively over the summer, I got to know basically everyone that worked there really well to the point where it kind of got annoying because I would spend far too much time talking to people and not enough time actually working out. This one particular trainer took a liking to me and would train me for free. He was nice but awkward. I honestly don't know how it happened but next thing I know I'm sleeping with this guy. Rebound? Yeah, probably. Okay, he have some fun. He takes me out and I meet some of his friends (one of his friends gf's are now my really really good friends). But then he becomes slightly obsessive. Wondering where I was that day because I wasn't at the gym at my normal time, following me around while I worked out. Standing next to me while I ran on the treadmill. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I told him to back off. He wouldn't. One day I purposely went to the gym when I knew he wasn't working, did my thing and as I was leaving....there he was. I practically ran out of the gym and hopped in my car and as I'm pulling out, who do I see there looking like a sad puppy dog? Obsessive Trainer. I was so happy when I found out that the next week he ended up quitting and moving to Iowa or something like that.
Where we are now: He's tried to keep in contact via text and facebook. But he wouldn't get the hint after I ignored him for like 2 months. Finally I just blocked him.
Name: The Blackout Buckeye
Our story: So after I lost my first nannying job and the second one ended because they only needed me for the summer, I got a temp position in an IT department of a hospital. IT= nerdy guys and pretty much no chics. Let's just say I got a lot of numbers while I was working there. There was on guy in particular that was young and cute. I gave him my number and we started texting. One night we were both out on campus after a game and decided to meet up. He shows up, completely blacked out, I'm pretty wasted and we stumble around campus not knowing where in the world we are. Finally, we get a cab back to what I thought was his place and hook up. His place my butt. It ended being 2 of our co-workers apartment! Pretty much all of them had walked by the room and saw me sprawled out on the bed in my underwear. We continued to talk a bit, but neither of us were ready to do anything but be fuck buddies since we had just both gotten out of relationships.
Where we are now: After awhile it just kind of died out, which I was fine with because he wasn't that good of a hook anyways. Cute face but that's about all he had going for him.
Name: The Boss.
Our story: While I was hooking with Blackout Buckeye, I also was hooking with The Boss. This is how it started...I'm leaving work one day (early because I was cute and could get away with murder in that office), and my boss is jumping into his car and asks if I'm going to the bar with them. I originally was going to hit the gym, but decided, why not be social? So we get in and follow him to the bar. We're there drinking and talking, eventually more people get there and being the youngest one there they're trying to keep and I get them to do shots and drink long islands aka everyone is wasted out of their minds. I'm walking around the tables getting to know everyone and The Boss comes up behind me and starts rubbing my shoulders and putting his hand on my back. Of course, being drunk and flirty I let him and just give him a smile. He leans over and whispers to me to "Let's get out of here" and of course I do. We head out to his car and hook up...because at this point in time Class 5 has not moved out yet and turns out that this guy HAS A LIVE IN GF. I know, what a skeeze ball. Sadly, at this point I have already fallen for him and continue to hook up with him until he moves to Cali.
Where we are now: I know dear reader, I should have cut ties at least when he moved to Cali. But we still keep touch. He was in CT (I moved back home for a short stint this year) and I went to see him and we hooked. We text all the time. He was in NYC this weekend. But I resisted and did not go see him. I'm trying to be better about it and trying to JUST be friends. He makes sexual innuendos but I just try to brush them off. But like I said...I fell for him so I have a hard time cutting him off totally for right now.
12/18/2011
She's back and on the prowl!
Wow, it's been three years since I've written in the blog! Let me tell you so much has happened in the world of Helovemenot's dating life. Let's start from where I left off for now. You might want to grab some popcorn and a large diet soda. Sit back relax and be prepared to laugh (maybe cry...from laughing so hard).
Let's start with Class 5 clinger: Three years ago dear reader I left you hanging in the midst of a newly developed relationship with Class 5 clinger. Well after dating for only 6 months we decided to move in together. Bought a 50 inch tv, a 50 pound puppy (money mistakes 1 and 2) and called it home. We thought we were in love, we thought we would be together forever. We thought horribly horribly wrong. After moving in together we fought endlessly. Broke up probably about 5 times. Silly fights ensued over ridiculous things. Being young (me) and immature (him) we thought maybe it was because our apartment was too small. We had a big dog, and too much stuff and it was crowding each other. So after living in this apartment for 6 months, we (I) broke the lease (money mistake 3) and got a bigger apartment (money mistake 4). We were happier in the new place, each had our own spaces and the dogs (yes, plural. Money mistake 5) has room to roam. Things were fine and dandy. Until I lost my au pair job, of course one one loses a job, they tend to find one as soon as possible. So I found a temporary one for the summer. Then when that ended I found a temp position in the IT department of a hospital. I was all fine and dandy with life. Then Class 5 lost his job, however, he did not follow my example of finding a job right away and decided that it was up to me to pay for everything while she spend his nights and days staring at a computer screen fighting space ships. Lovely.
One can only put up with this for so long as you can imagine and by the time the second month of non-employment (oh and did I mention that his car died also, so we only had one functioning car), I was beginning to break. I decided one Friday night to go out with my friend on campus (she was in grad school). The plan was for me to go to her place after work since she lived right around the corner from my new job, we would make dinner, get ready and pregame the bars. Around 7, right before we started cooking dinner my friend gets a facebook chat from Class 5 asking if I'm already wasted. If you're thinking WTF right now, you're right. My friend replies nicely, no we're cooking. And he responds...oh that's a surprise, she's always wasted.
I will not lie, I do like to have more than my fair share of drinks and have fun. But really? 1. He was saying this to MY friend, when he knew I was there. 2. It was only 7pm!!! This made me ridiculously pissed. Decided right then and there I was single. Then proceed to eat dinner/drink, go out and make out with any willing guy.
Needless to say that relationship ended very quickly once I made it home the next day. I told him it was over for good (even made it facebook official!) and that he had to move out by the next weekend. The next weekend rolls around...and he leaves!! YAY!!
I walk into my apartment, relieved to have this ordeal done with. Only to find out the bastard stole one of my tvs and a ton of video games (I don't really NEED this things, but taking without asking/paying me is just rude, not to mention I had been paying his rent for the past 2 months). In the end it was a messy break up with fights over how much he owed me (I never did get a dime out of the asshole).
OH the best part was, he told me he was eventually going to win me back and propose. That was a year ago...never heard from him again. Thank god. (Though he did just unblock himself from facebook recently and I can read his ridiculous comments on our mutual friends pages. Which means sadly he is still a functioning human being...darn it!)
And there you have it, the end of Class 5 clinger saga. Let's hope I don't make anymore epic mistakes such at that one. Stay tuned for further dating updates after Class 5 and my more recent adventures!
Let's start with Class 5 clinger: Three years ago dear reader I left you hanging in the midst of a newly developed relationship with Class 5 clinger. Well after dating for only 6 months we decided to move in together. Bought a 50 inch tv, a 50 pound puppy (money mistakes 1 and 2) and called it home. We thought we were in love, we thought we would be together forever. We thought horribly horribly wrong. After moving in together we fought endlessly. Broke up probably about 5 times. Silly fights ensued over ridiculous things. Being young (me) and immature (him) we thought maybe it was because our apartment was too small. We had a big dog, and too much stuff and it was crowding each other. So after living in this apartment for 6 months, we (I) broke the lease (money mistake 3) and got a bigger apartment (money mistake 4). We were happier in the new place, each had our own spaces and the dogs (yes, plural. Money mistake 5) has room to roam. Things were fine and dandy. Until I lost my au pair job, of course one one loses a job, they tend to find one as soon as possible. So I found a temporary one for the summer. Then when that ended I found a temp position in the IT department of a hospital. I was all fine and dandy with life. Then Class 5 lost his job, however, he did not follow my example of finding a job right away and decided that it was up to me to pay for everything while she spend his nights and days staring at a computer screen fighting space ships. Lovely.
One can only put up with this for so long as you can imagine and by the time the second month of non-employment (oh and did I mention that his car died also, so we only had one functioning car), I was beginning to break. I decided one Friday night to go out with my friend on campus (she was in grad school). The plan was for me to go to her place after work since she lived right around the corner from my new job, we would make dinner, get ready and pregame the bars. Around 7, right before we started cooking dinner my friend gets a facebook chat from Class 5 asking if I'm already wasted. If you're thinking WTF right now, you're right. My friend replies nicely, no we're cooking. And he responds...oh that's a surprise, she's always wasted.
I will not lie, I do like to have more than my fair share of drinks and have fun. But really? 1. He was saying this to MY friend, when he knew I was there. 2. It was only 7pm!!! This made me ridiculously pissed. Decided right then and there I was single. Then proceed to eat dinner/drink, go out and make out with any willing guy.
Needless to say that relationship ended very quickly once I made it home the next day. I told him it was over for good (even made it facebook official!) and that he had to move out by the next weekend. The next weekend rolls around...and he leaves!! YAY!!
I walk into my apartment, relieved to have this ordeal done with. Only to find out the bastard stole one of my tvs and a ton of video games (I don't really NEED this things, but taking without asking/paying me is just rude, not to mention I had been paying his rent for the past 2 months). In the end it was a messy break up with fights over how much he owed me (I never did get a dime out of the asshole).
OH the best part was, he told me he was eventually going to win me back and propose. That was a year ago...never heard from him again. Thank god. (Though he did just unblock himself from facebook recently and I can read his ridiculous comments on our mutual friends pages. Which means sadly he is still a functioning human being...darn it!)
And there you have it, the end of Class 5 clinger saga. Let's hope I don't make anymore epic mistakes such at that one. Stay tuned for further dating updates after Class 5 and my more recent adventures!
9/22/2009
6/17/2009
but then this world slipped through my fingers and even the sun seemed tired
I honestly don't know what is wrong with me. I have this inherent nature to destroy just about everything good that comes my way. I freak out. I stress. I make up wild stories in my head. Right now, I'm ruining things with the bf. I have been from the beginning. But I know I'm getting the the point where he's just going to throw up his hands and tell me he's sick of it. I'm afraid of it happening to me, so I keep trying to beat him to the punch line. Which inevitably is just hurting us.
We bought a big screen tv together. We bought a puppy. We plan on moving in together when my lease is up. Only problem is, I don't think he wants to anymore. I think he just wants to move away from me. I think he's just waiting for after we go on vacation together and his lease expires to peace out. I can feel my heart just sinking with the thought of it all. My feelings haven't changed in all this time for him. If anything they've just become more confirmed that this is for real and not just a game.
But then why do I keep reverting back to my old games? Breaking up when I get upset. Becoming jealous when he wants to hang out with someome else.
I know I don't ever really want to end it. Well, okay. There's a part of me in the back of my mind that sometimes remembers what my life was like before. You know, all those black out nights and randomness. I had fun. I was out of control. But it wasn't as fun as being with him is. I like staying in at night with him and just watching tv and playing video games. I like having someone to go swimming with and chase around in my bath tub sized pool. I like walking with him and the puppy, urging the puppy to poop. All this makes my threats of not wanting to be with him anymore empty because I know in the end I would be more lost without him than I was before him.
It's so ironic that when I started this blog, I had such high hopes for life when I had a bf. Like it would solve all my problems and instantly everything would get better. Sure life is a lot nicer when you have someone to come home to. But it hasn't solved everything. I still struggle with my old demons. I don't regret getting into this relationship at all. I want to make it last. I want to all work out, even with it's imperfections. But really, I need to work on myself. I need to stop being so fucking insecure and stop thinking that he's cheating on me. It's just making me look like I'm the one cheating (I couldn't do that to him). I need to stop freaking out and just talk to him when I'm upset and stop blowing everything out of proportion. It's just that no matter how hard I try SOMETHING sets my craziness off and I can't control it. It's like this crazy Helovesmenot monster that sets loose. I just hope that he realizes that no matter what, I want to be with him and I'm trying really hard to give him what he deserves, it's just taking sometime.
4/19/2009
Time Turned Fragile
Remember awhile back when I was freaking out about the future? Well I officially signed up to go back to school this summer. I just got accepted to this program for people that want to go into teaching and already have their bachelor's degree, so it's a mix of graduate classes and undergraduate classes. I should be done in about 1 year. I'm finally doing something to really start the rest of my life. I should feel good about this right?
Wrong.
What if I don't even want to teach? I guess I'll figure it out, but I've had bad experiences through field experience before and it kind of turned me off the teaching. But it was all at one school and I hadn't taken any real education classes in order to prepare me for what I had to do. But what if this isn't for me? This program is too expensive to decide mid-way through that I don't want to do it.
I also can't keep my au pair job for as long as I would like because I have to do student teaching and there's just no way they will let me take off for 13 days one semester and then 60 days another semester. Plus, with class schedules I'll have to have a more flexible schedule. So that will be another added stress to it all- finding another job. But at least I'll be on my way to a real job with benefits and everything. That I can't wait for. I know people say don't try to grow up too fast. But what happens when you're already an adult but no living like one? Well, life gets awful difficult, because I'm there right now. If I had a real job I wouldn't be so strapped right now for everything I would like to do.
Sometimes I wish I could jsut fast forward life so that I can get to the point I want to be at. I'm not asking for anything big or glamorous. I just want to have a decent job that I enjoy. I want to be settled down. Not at the point where I want a family, but with someone that is more permenant than not. I want to get a new dog, mine was just put to sleep and I miss having that companionship, even though I'm in another state, it was nice knowing that when I went home there would always be someone the greet me at the door. I'm sad about him dying, but I know he lived a long life...19 years. He moved on, now I want to. I want to be able to not have to worry about getting sick because I'll have health insurance. I want to have a real home to call my own and throw dinner parties and brunches. I want to be proud of where I live and have everything be MINE not someone elses nice stuff (the roommate). As fast as the past 4 months have been, I wish I could just get to the point in my life so that I can actually experience something.
I realized today how being out of school since December has really changed me. I'm over the college thing. Yes, I miss my school very much. But I'm perfectly content doing the things I do now. I'm also saving a lot of money that I would've been spending on alcohol. Today I went to the zoo with the bf (totally for free!) and saw the baby elephant that was just born. Tonight we stayed in, and I'm okay with not going out and getting crazy drunk. It's no fun being hung over all day anyways. I thought the friends I made in college would also be forever, but lately I've been realizing that they may not. They don't understand that I pine away for school like they eventually will. I don't really get too attached to places like that. It's hard because we're constantly on the move and you can't cling on to every place that you love. I was ready to leave after studying aboard in England. Today one person tried to rub in my face that I was missing a really famous alum going to visit the school and while a little part of me was jealous. I realized that I wouldn't have wanted to spend my day any differently.
In short. I'm ready for life. Come out, come out wherever you are.
Wrong.
What if I don't even want to teach? I guess I'll figure it out, but I've had bad experiences through field experience before and it kind of turned me off the teaching. But it was all at one school and I hadn't taken any real education classes in order to prepare me for what I had to do. But what if this isn't for me? This program is too expensive to decide mid-way through that I don't want to do it.
I also can't keep my au pair job for as long as I would like because I have to do student teaching and there's just no way they will let me take off for 13 days one semester and then 60 days another semester. Plus, with class schedules I'll have to have a more flexible schedule. So that will be another added stress to it all- finding another job. But at least I'll be on my way to a real job with benefits and everything. That I can't wait for. I know people say don't try to grow up too fast. But what happens when you're already an adult but no living like one? Well, life gets awful difficult, because I'm there right now. If I had a real job I wouldn't be so strapped right now for everything I would like to do.
Sometimes I wish I could jsut fast forward life so that I can get to the point I want to be at. I'm not asking for anything big or glamorous. I just want to have a decent job that I enjoy. I want to be settled down. Not at the point where I want a family, but with someone that is more permenant than not. I want to get a new dog, mine was just put to sleep and I miss having that companionship, even though I'm in another state, it was nice knowing that when I went home there would always be someone the greet me at the door. I'm sad about him dying, but I know he lived a long life...19 years. He moved on, now I want to. I want to be able to not have to worry about getting sick because I'll have health insurance. I want to have a real home to call my own and throw dinner parties and brunches. I want to be proud of where I live and have everything be MINE not someone elses nice stuff (the roommate). As fast as the past 4 months have been, I wish I could just get to the point in my life so that I can actually experience something.
I realized today how being out of school since December has really changed me. I'm over the college thing. Yes, I miss my school very much. But I'm perfectly content doing the things I do now. I'm also saving a lot of money that I would've been spending on alcohol. Today I went to the zoo with the bf (totally for free!) and saw the baby elephant that was just born. Tonight we stayed in, and I'm okay with not going out and getting crazy drunk. It's no fun being hung over all day anyways. I thought the friends I made in college would also be forever, but lately I've been realizing that they may not. They don't understand that I pine away for school like they eventually will. I don't really get too attached to places like that. It's hard because we're constantly on the move and you can't cling on to every place that you love. I was ready to leave after studying aboard in England. Today one person tried to rub in my face that I was missing a really famous alum going to visit the school and while a little part of me was jealous. I realized that I wouldn't have wanted to spend my day any differently.
In short. I'm ready for life. Come out, come out wherever you are.
4/16/2009
Nothing's perfect
So while having a heart to heart today with the roomie (we're kinda talking again...long story short: she did something really shitty to me to make up for the bf being there all the time) because both the boys were gone we discovered we are very much alike when it comes to our relationships, it's kinda scary.
1. We both can't discuss things with our bfs that we disagree with them on. It's frustrates us, gets us no where and ends up making us have to take a 15 minute breather in our closets (they are quite spacious).
2. We like to pick fights. I almost made him sleep in the closet last night because he went to go help some friends and didn't come back until 3:30am. I was pissed. I wouldn't let him touch me. He almost slept in my closet.
3. We get angry at them when they over commit themselves aka both have sports that have start (mine: baseball hers: golf) and they disappear. At least her bf comes back when the sun goes down. Mine doesn't start until I get off of work.
4. They both either text or recieve texts (mine gets them but doesn't respond) to ex gfs. It drives us crazyyyyyyy. I personally get really enraged I have fantasies about grabbing the phone locking myself in the bathroom and giving the stupid girl a piece of my mind. Seriously, this one ex occasionally texts him at 5am and has to hold me back from grabbing is phone and screaming at her. She keeps texting him (yeah, I've snooped and read them) about how he lied to her (I confessed about snooping and got the whole story...from him mom lol..and then him) and she's so much better than him now and how his new gf (ME) looks like she has down syndrome. Don't even get my started on that comment she kept making because seriously that is so not cool on so many levels. I pretty much want her to start the car in a closed garage or something.
Gosh, from all of this it seems like I'm in the worse relationship ever. Don't get me wrong though I love him. I know it hasn't been that long (2 months), but with all the shit we've been through already...how can I not? He does treat me right (had dinner cooked for me by the time I got home from work yesterday), buys me little things, always tells me I'm beautiful once a day (he owes me that one today) and calls me at least once a day while I'm at work. There's been some talk about living together (it's just economically smarter since we're always together) when our leases are up. I don't know if it will work out, but we're going to try. At least then I won't have to worry about getting up and unlocking the door late at night for him.
1. We both can't discuss things with our bfs that we disagree with them on. It's frustrates us, gets us no where and ends up making us have to take a 15 minute breather in our closets (they are quite spacious).
2. We like to pick fights. I almost made him sleep in the closet last night because he went to go help some friends and didn't come back until 3:30am. I was pissed. I wouldn't let him touch me. He almost slept in my closet.
3. We get angry at them when they over commit themselves aka both have sports that have start (mine: baseball hers: golf) and they disappear. At least her bf comes back when the sun goes down. Mine doesn't start until I get off of work.
4. They both either text or recieve texts (mine gets them but doesn't respond) to ex gfs. It drives us crazyyyyyyy. I personally get really enraged I have fantasies about grabbing the phone locking myself in the bathroom and giving the stupid girl a piece of my mind. Seriously, this one ex occasionally texts him at 5am and has to hold me back from grabbing is phone and screaming at her. She keeps texting him (yeah, I've snooped and read them) about how he lied to her (I confessed about snooping and got the whole story...from him mom lol..and then him) and she's so much better than him now and how his new gf (ME) looks like she has down syndrome. Don't even get my started on that comment she kept making because seriously that is so not cool on so many levels. I pretty much want her to start the car in a closed garage or something.
Gosh, from all of this it seems like I'm in the worse relationship ever. Don't get me wrong though I love him. I know it hasn't been that long (2 months), but with all the shit we've been through already...how can I not? He does treat me right (had dinner cooked for me by the time I got home from work yesterday), buys me little things, always tells me I'm beautiful once a day (he owes me that one today) and calls me at least once a day while I'm at work. There's been some talk about living together (it's just economically smarter since we're always together) when our leases are up. I don't know if it will work out, but we're going to try. At least then I won't have to worry about getting up and unlocking the door late at night for him.
4/03/2009
How old are we again?
My roommate has officially pissed me off. So the bf has been hanging around my apartment more since he got out. Mostly because I wouldn't let him drive since he still doesn't have his license back. I thought the roomie would be fine with it since oh her bf is here all the time, I've put up with him and eating my food for the past 3 months and leaving dirty dishes in the sink and me picking up after both of them. I thought this would illicit some understanding as my bf being around just as much. I thought wrong.
So last Wednesday I woke up early to drop the bf off downtown for his court hearing. We made plans for him to just come back to my place afterwards since he had my keys anyways. Everything is fine, I drop him off. He calls me to tell me that everything in this state is dropped too. YAY. He gets back to my place and goes to turn on the tv. However, the remotes are no where to be found. Not in the cushions. Not in the kitchen by accident. No where. He calls me to ask me if I knew where they were. Nope, the only place I could think of is if my roomie accidently brought htem into her room. Oh, they are there. But it is no accident. She HID them in her desk drawer. Seriously, if she had a problem with him being around so much, then she should have SAID something instead of freaking hiding the remotes. I thought this was plenty immature.
I text her asking her if she's mad about anything. I didn't call because I knew she was at work. She texts back later that night, no. Then she calls me the next day saying she's stressed about work, taking it out on everyone, yes the bf is there a lot, but she's really just stressed. Okay. Fine. But grow up. TALK to me instead of pulling a stunt like that. We're not in college anymore. This isn't a dorm room where you can just switch rooms. We're ADULTS now if you didn't notice. Plus, on top of that I don't know why she's pissed about MY bf being there all the time, when like I said hers is there just as much and eats my food. My bf at least makes an effort to make it seem like he's not even there. He doesn't eat anything that he knows isn't mine, he never leaves dishes in the sink and he picks up after the two of THEM sometimes. He's been so good time me and even to them because he's cooked for them before too. She really has NO reason to complain. Now what sucks the most is that my bf doesn't feel comfortable at my apartment anymore. Tonight is the first night we've been here in over 48 hours. On Wednesday I came home packed some bags and didn't come back until now and only because she's away for work for the weekend. Gosh, how lame is this. Only 8 more months of my lease...
So last Wednesday I woke up early to drop the bf off downtown for his court hearing. We made plans for him to just come back to my place afterwards since he had my keys anyways. Everything is fine, I drop him off. He calls me to tell me that everything in this state is dropped too. YAY. He gets back to my place and goes to turn on the tv. However, the remotes are no where to be found. Not in the cushions. Not in the kitchen by accident. No where. He calls me to ask me if I knew where they were. Nope, the only place I could think of is if my roomie accidently brought htem into her room. Oh, they are there. But it is no accident. She HID them in her desk drawer. Seriously, if she had a problem with him being around so much, then she should have SAID something instead of freaking hiding the remotes. I thought this was plenty immature.
I text her asking her if she's mad about anything. I didn't call because I knew she was at work. She texts back later that night, no. Then she calls me the next day saying she's stressed about work, taking it out on everyone, yes the bf is there a lot, but she's really just stressed. Okay. Fine. But grow up. TALK to me instead of pulling a stunt like that. We're not in college anymore. This isn't a dorm room where you can just switch rooms. We're ADULTS now if you didn't notice. Plus, on top of that I don't know why she's pissed about MY bf being there all the time, when like I said hers is there just as much and eats my food. My bf at least makes an effort to make it seem like he's not even there. He doesn't eat anything that he knows isn't mine, he never leaves dishes in the sink and he picks up after the two of THEM sometimes. He's been so good time me and even to them because he's cooked for them before too. She really has NO reason to complain. Now what sucks the most is that my bf doesn't feel comfortable at my apartment anymore. Tonight is the first night we've been here in over 48 hours. On Wednesday I came home packed some bags and didn't come back until now and only because she's away for work for the weekend. Gosh, how lame is this. Only 8 more months of my lease...
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